Visiting/caring for my mum

This was written for the Keynote talk ‘The Art of Care: How the study of care

aesthetics reveals a new direction for person-centred practices in dementia

care’ – speaking alongside Professors John Keady and James Thompson

UK Dementia Congress: 18th November 2025

The Tom Kitwood Memorial Address

I used to go twice a week

It was never easy but as her Alzheimer’s has progressed it has got harder and harder

How do you care for someone who sleeps so much?

How do you care for someone when they can’t see or hear you?

When they don’t always know it’s you?

Mum has always had beautiful nails

She still has great nails

So now I go, and I paint her nails

Well, I go with the polish

With the intention

Painting them depends on what she’s doing with her hands

Is she is fast asleep, then it can be hard to move her hands into the right position

And sometimes she gets cross if I try to do that

So instead, on those days, I watch her sleep

Sometimes, if she is on the couch in the lounge and the seat next to her is free – I sit down and sleep next to her.

Well, I don’t ever actually sleep but it feels nice to be with her, doing what she is doing.

How do you care for someone when they sleep so much?

How do you have a conversation when they can’t hold a conversation any more?

How do you let go of what you would like compared with what you have?

We did a lot of things together before.

Theatre

Travelling

Laughing

Gossiping

Shopping

Playing cards

Eating

Drinking

Red wine

So, now, I just do her nails

But it isn’t ‘just’ anything

With the nails comes touch

holding her hands,

talking to her,

describing the colour,

blowing them till they are dry,

admiring them,

showing them off to the staff.

It’s never just anything.

It’s funny how huge small things become

I do Mum’s nails.

I care for her.

Jenny Harris

November 2025